"Are you going to be good, or should I put you into my sac and send you to hell?" Nicolas asked. My heart was beating like a motor, "bum, bum, bum", goose bums grew all over my body. I rushed to my nanny so that she could grab me, but she didn't. I sat down and curled my body like a hedgehog. I couldn't face my fear.
It was December 6, also known as Saint Nicolas' Day, but for me, it was known as " A Usual Boring Day." Every year on December 6, Saint Nicolas would come to people's homes with a devil and an angel to see if the kids were good or bad. The kids that were good during the year would receive candy and treats from Nicolas and the Angel, but the bad kids would thrown to the devil's sack and sent to hell or they would just receive coal instead of treats. Saint Nicolas had a big red hat on his head with a Christian cross on it. He had a huge white beard, and a red coat. He looked very similar to Santa Claus. The Angel was white - completely white and had wings. The only thing that wasn't white was her halo, which was yellow. The devil was the opposite of angel - all black! He had big black horns on his head, and his face was really dirty. He always carries a sack with him on his back, and he puts there the bad children inside it. That's what my nanny said.
At that time, I just laughed when nanny told me about Saint Nicolas and the devil, because I had always wondered how the Saint Nicolas knows if the children were good or bad. For me, I thought it was impossible so, I didn't believe in Saint Nicolas. But I was really curious what would happen on that day, so I decided to be extra bad. I fooled around a lot, made a lot of mess in my room, and didn't listen to my nanny.
While I was playing video games, my nanny said "You know, today Saint Nicolas is going to come for you and send you to hell." There was a long silence - a long silence, and I kept playing video games. "Ok then, then don't cry when the devil is going to come for you," she said. I stopped playing, and then went on computer to chat with my friends. There was another long silence. Then my nanny went away.
In the evening, I decided to play with my toys while watching a cartoon called "The Mole." Suddenly, somebody pounded on the door, but I continued playing with my toys, watching the cartoon. My nanny opened the door, and a very black....dirty....creature sprint into my room, grabbed me by my leg, and tried to put me into his sac. That creature was so powerful that even though I was moving around trying to escape, he still was able to put me into his sack. I panicked, I screamed, I yelled, I cried....all at once. Then Nicolas and Angel to my room. "Are you going to be good, or should I put you into my sac and send you to hell?" Nicolas asked. I had no choice but to say "Yes, I am going to be good."Then the devil put me out of the sack on the ground, and gave me coal - a lot of coal. "Alright then, but next time, if you are going to be bad, we are going to send you to hell," Nicolas said. Then they leaved.
"I warned you," said nanny.
"Yes, you were correct. Next time, I promise, I am going to be really, really good," I said.
"Well, that's good to hear," nanny said.
From that day, I tried to be good, not naughty. I cleaned up my room every week, listened to my nanny, and I calmed down more. And from that day, year after year on Saint Nicolas' Day, I received nothing else, but candy and treats, and that's when I knew that my naughtiness was forgotten. I was really happy to know that because I knew that I would never had to go that sack again.
3 comments:
Oh my gosh, this is so cool!
It is so funny and so exciting. And you are so great in making me relax at the beginning. I feel, "Yeah! Of course St. Nicholas does not exist," but then, uh oh, here comes Saint Nicholas! Is this thing true? I am very surprised. Very funny though.
Well, whatever you grade you get for this thing, I believe you have done a perfect job in defining and executing your purpose: to entertain.
This is great David. You're so descriptive and you used great strategies like repetition to convey your story. Some of your adjectives could be better though. Use a thesaurus to improve words like big. Also describing how the man was dirty is better than saying he is dirty. Did he have black fingers? Was there dirt on his face?
Hey, is Saint Nicholas really exist! however, that wasn't the point 'cause you had done it so well. It is really interesting. i really like the part "long silence", the way you use descriptive language is excellent through! Go for Entertain!! =))
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